We have in the last issue analyzed why you must let your past relationship be in your past and not affect your present and future relationships. The question now is how to accomplish this. If this is you struggling to let go of the past in new love relationships, follow these steps.
1. See every new relationship as a breath of fresh air:
I understand why you are buried in the ruins of your last broken relationship. However, you must also realize that every time you enter a new relationship, it’s you opening a new chapter of your life. Don’t be stagnated by the past. When it goes, realize that you have ended that chapter and have started a new chapter. Let your heart and mind read and live this chapter.
2. Shut out your exes:
Its possible that you got so addicted to your last guy that you refused to let him go. The truth however is that the more you keep him in your life, the more wounded you become, the more injuries you suffer and the more stagnated you become. When you get into a new relationship, the first thing you should do is get rid of channels through which your old guys can gain access back to you. Not like they are bad guys, but that your heart needs time to heal, to build, to learn self-sufficiency, to kill every form of dependency on them and to move on. Let them go so you can move on.
3. Forgive:
Yes, men could be a real pain in the ass. Yes, it’s possible he was the cause of the beak up; probably because he lied, cheated on you or caused a massive embarrassment, probably because he used you for personal gain, to make money or get some connections and in the end threw you out with the bath water. Keeping him in your heart will hinder you from moving forward, will make you question the most sincere move of some other random guys trying to win your heart. He has left you and has moved on. He most likely is enjoying the spoils of life with some other random girl at a New York apartment. You must forgive him, shut him out of your life and move on.
4. Be open minded:
In this new relationship be open minded, be expectant, give room for surprises. When you let the past dictate how you respond to situations in the present, you will most definitely drown your new relationship, assuming that every girl he smiles with is a potential hooker or adversary wanting to take away your man. Be open minded, treat his attitudes and actions as unique. Don’t conclude issues with him based on evidence from past relationships; give him some breathing space to be him.
5. Don’t be judgmental:
No matter how convincing the evidences against him might seem, since you are just starting to know him, don’t judge him. You might not want to fall in love yet, still don’t judge him as though he’s a common criminal. Until you’ve known quite a bit about him, don’t condemn him.
6. Take counsels from friends with functional relationships:
Girls do have quite a bond amongst each other, thus, tend to discuss issues with some girlfriend, just because she’s close. Before you consider telling anyone stuffs about your relationship, please ensure that they have a functional relationship, and that they have been dating for quite some time. You wouldn’t want to go to the hospital and have a carpenter or mechanic conduct an operation on you. That is how it is with getting into a relationship. You don’t want people with little or no experience guiding your path with your new man. You don’t want people without training making your decisions or vetting your decisions. Meet someone who is in it and has been in it for a while. They are the ones that have made mistakes and have found ways to make their relationship work. They are the ones that will rather make a stitch than deploy a scissors.
7. Ask questions:
Now that you’ve decided to proceed with him, ask questions. Understand why he acted that way, understand why he made the decision he did. Questions are the window to the soul. If you want to give your relationship a chance, instead of assuming and concluding from the outside why he’s acting up or deciding to meet up a girl in a restaurant and not wanting you to come along, go to him, look him in the eyes and ask why he has decided to make that decision. Remember that ignorance is the lowest form of knowledge and is responsible for the breaking of some of the finest relationships that would have lasted eternity.
8. Seek professional help:
Have a relationship counselor that you can always run to. A relationship counselor is a trained expert, someone who has seen it all and is willing to offer expert advice for every situation you find your relationship in. This individual is trained and is usually certified in the state he resides in. Feel free to contact me at jordanbrownjnr@gmail.com, in case you don’t have a counselor. It is their job to help you understand why he acts the way he does, proffering solutions to the crisis you are currently choked in.
9. Read relationship materials:
Relationship materials, journals, magazines and blogs, just like counselors, are a go. Relationship materials, magazines and websites are portals where results of research are published, where tips on getting to know that new man and understanding him is published. You might not get all the solutions from a counselor, because some problems don’t have their solutions in spontaneous response, but these books, journals and websites do.
10. Your relationship isn’t topic for girls night out:
Ensure that your relationship isn’t a topic for the girls night out. When you let your relationship be topics for the girls night out, they most likely answer in ways you find hurtful. When your girls are drunk, they talk shallow stuffs that not only help you doubt the good intents and originality of this present guy, but also assume that the problem is you or that just maybe the last guy was the better. Keep your matter out of the night outs, but in the corridors of experts trained for times like this.
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