The use of pronouns for both sexes was done on purpose, as this article addresses both male and female. Enjoy.
The greatest iceberg that can sink any relationship is the lack of trust. The instance a relationship lacks trust, it is at that instance the relationship begins to die. There’s no way the relationship can work. It is the lack of this that is responsible for the record high breakups many suffer; especially super-introverted people coming from troubling relationships where partners took advantage of the trust, selling her private information to the public eye, ridiculing the vulnerable victim and leaving pieces of her heart in the harsh rejection from prospects. Thus the many suicide reports, since a naive girl can’t stand that her nudes are in the public domain, or her sex tape in the hands of some porn company.
It is understandable that judging from past relationships, you might find it hard to trust, thus the humongous volumes of secretes kept hidden in your heart. Because of this you refuse to open up your heart and mind, you refuse to open up your life to your newly found love, rather isolating yourself to the pains of the past and refusing to let your life enjoy the future that unfolds. Yet you wonder why this prince charming isn’t flowing with you. Let me explain.
A relationship, especially one that intends to lead to marital bliss is one that must first and foremost have both partners sew their flesh into one; no wonder the priest in ceremony says that two shall become one. This is a very powerful statement. This is just like saying you both have gone through the rigours of a surgery to convert two distinct individuals into Siamese twins, as though you both were just an extension of one person, one spirit and one soul. If this is, then why are truths hidden? Just as the left eye can’t hide anything from the right, so must you never hide anything from your partner.
When you get into a relationship, you are no longer you for you, neither are you programmed for you by you. To put it in very simple language, your partner is now responsible for you and you responsible for your partner. You getting into that relationship and falling in love with that partner is you signing a full disclosure contract, stating that you must always appear naked before him, not necessarily literarily, however, it implies the stretching that nothing must be kept from him or her.
You need to realise that getting into a relationship, especially one that will eventually lead to marriage is you getting into a long term partnership of the heart. If it must work you must realize that you are not only meeting the physical need of the partner, but also the psychological and emotional needs. Keeping secrets not only breaks the trust, dissatisfied the appetite you were supposed to feed but opens your partner to more emotional and psychological attacks, especially if he or she is of a vulnerable state.
Secondly, you must realize that man, whether male or female is naturally envious; that the psychological and emotional sphere of any human is configured to be jealous to the point of killing any adversary that threatens his sovereignty over who his mind has chosen to love. You must realize that when one knows little about his partner in a relationship, that he is either driven towards jealousy or his/her instinct suspects scenarios, even grimmer pictures that drive sane men nuts and coordinates wounded hearts to the slaughter. This is because when a person says he loves you, and means it, he also says he is vowed to have you to himself forever, protect you for himself forever, and sacrifice his life on the altar of love, life and death that you might live forever. By the way, this isn’t even an addict or a psycho. This is the average man/woman.
The average guy wants to have and own his lady forever. He hates competition, won’t accept rivalry, can’t stand the thought of another man frolicking with his queen, and yes a lady can be driven to depression when it’s the man cheating on her. A relationship thrives when your partner knows he or she is the only one in complete possession of you. Men see their women as their trophy, their price and pride, their priceless possession and can’t stand processing that she is either in love with another man, or in a sexual relationship with another person, which might be the impression he carries when you choose to keep secrets, hide truths or emphasize your privacy concerns or personal space over the collective love you both should share as couples.
When a man sees reasons to assume the lady is cheating on him or that she is having an affair with a random dude or some other lady, the pain felt could be as deadly as the pain a prisoner been executed experience: After the tranquilizers have been injected and the actual drugs to kill is administered, the prisoner, lies serene as though lifeless and without pulse, but the pain he suffers from the drugs that ends up killing him is more torturous than the agonies of hell; though immobile he suffers a thousand deaths in one instance. Thus when you ask your partner how he’s doing, even though he’s wounded and mourning, she’ll smile with a certain calm and say she’s fine. It’s hard to tell this pain though it exists in extraordinary splendour.
If you are looking to get into a relationship, you must endeavour to remove every and any iota of jealousy that might materialize in him. You must give no room for your partner to suspect you’re cheating on him or that you are up to something that would hurt him or her in the long run. In other words, you must be open, you must be frank and fair; you must be truthful.
It is understandable that you have your rights and that you cherish your privacy, however, if you want this relationship to work, you must open both your hands and your life to the one whose last name you are willing to trade yours for, who you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, and get old with, and bear children for.
If you have chosen to love him then you must also choose to trust him with yourself, your secrets and your future. If you can’t trust him enough to open your life to him then there is absolutely no need to keep him in your life. Let him go. However, if you have got to the point where you have decided to trust and love him, then you must open up to him, don’t hide stuffs from him, else the thought that you are keeping secrets from him or keeping dates with another man might be the last straw that smashes this relationship. He might want to see your phone and messages and passwords and details, show them to him. If you want him and you love him then you must trust him; you must open up to him. You can’t be in love with him and keep hiding incoming messages from him, or keep changing the passwords to your devices or emails from time to time, or dropping off the map and expect that everything will be fine.
If you are in a relationship where your partner does not open up, where you don’t feel like he is open enough to you, where he’d switch off his phone for long durations and either have nothing tangible to explain as reason for going off, or does not even want to say at all, where after you have been dating for a while, still don’t have access to his phones, his finances, his messages, emails, chats, call logs etc. If this is you, know this for sure, you are either been used or are been played for his pleasure. You really don’t want to be a sex item for some random guy, been paid for the services you render to his ribs, his penis, and not have real power to heal your soul and emotional ill. You know you don’t. If you don’t then don’t keep secrets.
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